I have to wait until…

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How many times have you said it? “I have to wait until…I have money, a better car, a different job, more experience, a bigger house, an office, more time, less stress, a money tree grows in the backyard.” Seriously, we can all come up with list, upon list, upon list of reasons why we are not following the urges that motivate us.

Maybe you have always wanted to live in another country. But the excuses of, I have to stay here and have a job, pay bills and continue to make my life here. Besides, how would I make money in another country anyway. You say. Maybe you have always wanted to write a screenplay, act in a theatrical production, sing in a band, or drive across the country. But you always come up with reasons why you shouldn’t and they usually involve time and money. The truth is we really can do anything we want to do if we just get out of our own way. By this I mean that if you really wanted to move to another country and live for a bit, you could. But do you really want to? You could join the peace corp, live in an ashram for free, or work as a volunteer at a number of different organizations and have your rent paid for. So, what is stopping you? You say your mortgage, kids, family, job, etc. Well the truth is you can really do anything you want. Bryon Katie says “if you really wanted something you would have it now, so you must not want it that bad.” I finally just understood what she meant by that. Because it is true if you really wanted something you could have it, but the problem is you are in your own way.
You just have to get really clear about what it is that you want. What do YOU want? Not what do your parents want you to do, what you think you should do, but what do YOU want for you?
After you have gotten clear about that, get out of your own way. Don’t let your beliefs of “this will never work, why am I writing this screenplay it will never make any money, I can’t get another job in a field I have always wanted I will never make good money.” I am proof that you can switch into a career you have always wanted to. I am proof that you can leave a job that you hate, but that paid you well and make it on a path that you love. I have certainly had my bumps in the road since I switched my path, it has not been easy and there has been chaos along the way. But such is what happens when you step more into your true essence and let go of those things you thought you Had To Be to survive.
There is a great letter written by Martha Graham. “In it she says there is a unique expression that wants to be shown through you and you are the only one that can give that expression. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. You do not even need to believe in yourself, or your work. You just have to keep open and aware directly of the URGES THAT MOTIVATE YOU. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at any time. There is just a divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
The first time I heard this I was in a yoga class and I cried. It moved me to my very core. I had been living so far from the urges that motivate me (that little voice that tells you to do those things you always wanted to do since a kid like travel, write, paint, dance, act, sing). I had been living very far from those urges and was caught up in the way I thought I was supposed to live on this planet. Working hard, hating my job, but making money and too exhausted to do much else. Being somebody I thought I had to be, but not being true to myself and my need for freedom and creativity. When this letter got read to me, I cried. As if my very soul was asking me to wake up to all that I was, or am. To quit hiding behind this false perception of who I thought I should be. To start following those urges that motivate me and do something about that inner voice that always tried to speak up, even when I said be quiet. The voice had grown quiet, but the urges continued and this letter made me aware that there were others like me. Dissatisfied people that weren’t following their inner urge. I didn’t feel so all alone in this big society of people telling me to do one thing when I desperately wanted to do something else. There are others like me.
So what are your urges? Are there things that you used to really enjoy, but gave up for some reason? What motivates you? What areas of your life are you bored in? What areas could you give more life to?
Last week at Agape, Michael Beckwith (you may remember him from The Secret) said that if we are bored in any way, that that is a blockage to our creative source, our divine source. If we are bored we are blocking our own potential from emerging. Where are you bored? I know what you are thinking…”I am bored at work, so what are you telling me Erin, quit my job? Ha ha ha, not easy to do and then what, are you going to pay my bills?” Well the answer to that is no I will not be paying your bills. And I am not saying to quit your job. I am saying to look at your life, really look at it and see if you are bored in any area. Then to pay attention to that and begin to do things to make you not bored in that area of life. Maybe start a group at work that involves doing an activity at lunch once a week in an area you enjoy. Get to know a co-worker that you don’t already know. There are many options, and maybe quitting your job is what will end up being the best thing for you, who knows? I certainly don’t, that is up to you to find out. I CAN say that quitting the restaurant job that I was working at, making great money (cash, every night) was by far the best thing I have ever done for myself. But I was beyond miserable and kept working because I thought I had to to make money. Once I changed that belief system and quit, my whole perspective changed. My energy changed, my creativity increased, my outlook changed. I went through a lot of healing and releasing parts of me that I thought I was and that was painful, but the end result is a more authentic and creative me. I feel like myself again for the first time in a long time and I feel good about that. So that is my experience, but we are all different and we all have our own path to follow.
So, what do you want your life to look like? Paint that picture in your mind and begin putting energy towards that picture every day. Just make sure you paint it exactly like you would like it and leave out the negative stuff. Just focus positive energy towards it everyday. Stop and listen to those urges that motivate you. See where you could be open to them even more.
Don’t wait until! Start doing something today that motivates you. Take it one step at a time. You will feel good taking those steps and who knows, maybe one day you will be running towards that motivation. It feels good and it feels free. Trust me.
Much love and light,
Erin

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