I wrote this a year ago while I was living in Thailand. I experienced such a tumultuous time while teaching at Paradise the resort that I worked at. It was this strange place that I feel I was sucked into, a bit like a vortex and while I was there it was like I was in a tornado the whole time. Everything happened very fast there and I felt so much transformation happened for me. The people that came to stay at the resort were very interesting too. One woman in particular that stayed with us shifted me and awakened me to more of myself. She is a mystery and I have no idea where she is now.
Shortly before I wrote this I had this dreadful feeling, it almost felt like I was about to die. As strange as it may sound, I went up to the top of this hill where we had our most expensive suite. No one was staying in it at the time. It had the most incredible view of the whole resort, ocean and the most amazing mountainous rocks that jet out of the water all over the place. I laid down by the pool and I really felt like I was dying. I literally thought I was going to die then and there and I remember looking up and seeing the view and thinking I am ok with that, if this is how it is supposed to be, so be it. What was really happening is that a part of me was dying. The old part that was holding on to old junk, old beliefs, old ways of being maybe even lifetimes of old. Something in me was letting go of its hold on me. Energetically something had to shift to allow me to be ready for what is to come. I felt different after and I immediately went to my computer and started writing. I couldn’t type fast enough for what was coming out. My brain and my fingers were not matching up and this is what I wrote.
I feel this piece represents us all as we begin to move into this new consciousness. We have been staying small when there is a part of us that is so powerful and vast that we could do and be anything. I feel it is a call to the wild part of us that burns with knowing. I hope you enjoy, as we all begin to shift from the masculine energy we have been living in for centuries to welcoming the goddess energy back onto the planet….
I want to awaken the millions of universes inside of me. I want to awaken the knowledge from lifetimes ago that is stored in my cells. The knowing of ancient wisdom, of goddesses, of traditions, of magic. I want to awaken that part of me that has every answer to every question without a shadow of a doubt. I want to awaken each and every planet, universe, star, tree, flower and animal that rests inside my heart. I want to awaken each part to allow for the shift to take hold of me, spinning me around dizzily until I fall over in bliss from this knowing. It is all there. I am now ready to awaken it. The void, the light both coming together in swiftness that I fall into getting mixed up in its magic. There is no good or bad, there is only what is. I want to awaken the light body within. The Pure Light that is inside of me and let it, and only it, radiate out. I want to awaken the ancient voice calling from my depths. Its bellows so loud now I can no longer resist.
The voice of life times of suffering and pain rages within me and I want to shout at the wind, the ocean, the trees just to get it all out. Letting Mother Earth take over now. There is a fire that is swirling inside my chest. There is a burning that is seething through my skin and I can’t contain it. There is a wild goddess that is screaming inside of me, she is tired of not being heard. There are millions of lifetimes of suffering inside my chest and they are all pounding at my heart, yearning to be released. I can’t contain it any longer. The yearning, the burning the sensations of love, hate, anger, frustration, bliss, joy, curdling at my throat. It’s wanting so much to spill over from within. This is the shift I have been waiting for. This is the movement that was becoming me. This is the longing I have felt all my life. This is what I always wanted but never knew. This moment, this one right here. It burns through my veins, they pulse something I have never felt in my life. The blood rushing through me like never before. The wild cry from within bursting through my veins with a force of a million horses. I feel like I could fly at any moment. Leave this planet and sail toward the stars.
The wild goddess inside my chest is screaming. She is beating at my chest. I feel like it could explode. She has been scorned so many times and now that she is awake, she is powerful. I have never felt a power like this. The small frame of my body feels like it cannot hold this kind of power from within. Will my body break from the power that it holds inside? Will I be able to withstand this wielding, this aching, this force that is pushing through my veins screaming from all its torture? I feel it pushing from within. I feel my body expanding, the boundaries that are my physical body moving farther away. How will it come out? How will it show itself now? I feel that goddess. She is me there is no difference. Yet her yearning is screaming now. My ears ring, my throat burns with her fever, my blood still courses through my veins at speeds I am not sure are good for one human body. I feel it boiling. I feel it seething. I feel that longing and that beautiful peace that comes with the moments after. After the rage is let out. After the storm settles. After the ice of frozen lifetimes has thawed. There is a peace that withstands time. She is here. She is ready for what is to come. She is a warrior beyond all time. I am her.