I see you.
You have been that woman that has been everything to everyone around you, but at the expense of yourself.
You strive to be the best employee/boss, partner, mom, friend, and family member and you often leave yourself last on the list.
You would do anything for anyone, sit with them when they are sad or upset, yet you don’t give yourself time to express, or feel your emotions, because the to-do list is too long for that.
Perfectionism and/or people pleasing is how you live your life.
You have lost confidence in yourself for various reasons and you don’t know how to get it back
You sometimes refer to yourself as Type A and others look at you like you have it all together and are perfect.
You often stop yourself, because you worry about what others think of you.
You are sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of others, which gets complicated when you want to stand up for yourself, because you know they might feel bad.
Your family members say you are their rock, but inside you feel like your foundation is crumbling.
You are a go-getter, get shiz done kind of woman, but it comes at an expense, often leaving you feeling stressed or anxious.
You have been this way for so long that the people around you just expect you to do all of these things for them and you feel a little resentful about that inside.
You have been a YES person for so long, that you don’t really know how to say NO any more.
In fact the thought of saying no and disappointing someone you care about scares you.
I know this person well, because I was her.
Growing up with an alcoholic mom, I experienced a lot of verbal and emotional abuse, which left me feeling like I could never measure up, that I wasn’t good enough and that I had to be perfect in order to get love.
I grew into a co-dependent, people pleaser, perfectionist and I didn’t know how to love myself, or what I needed or wanted.
I was constantly looking for validation and approval from others.
I had major anxiety and I burnt myself out several times over.
Because let’s be real, its really exhausting trying to be everything to everyone and chasing the illusion of perfection.
At the core of this way of living is a belief that you are not enough, insignificant and/or unworthy. This vibration creates low self-esteem and affects your confidence in yourself. I know that vibration well, it is how I lived most of my life and it is debilitating. I am on a mission to eradicate those beliefs as much as I can in women in my lifetime, because a life without that feeling is pure freedom to be who you are, empowered and lit up from within.
I have identified 12 steps that will guide you in getting out of that old, crappy vibration.
- Identifying your goals. The first step in making any change is to identify what your outcome is. It is not enough to simply say “I want to feel better,” or “I want to feel good enough.” You have to get really clear on what that looks like for YOU. Because everyone will have a different explanation of what that means to them. In order to achieve what you want, you have to give the Universe a clear map of what that is to you, so it can begin to deliver it.
- Addressing Limiting Beliefs and Blocks. Next, you have to know where you are keeping yourself stuck in cycles that are no longer serving that vision you just wrote down for yourself in step #1. What negative thoughts do you have on repeat? What patterns do you find yourself going back to again and again? What bad habits do you indulge in?
- Liberating the Family Dynamic. There is a lot to this. All of our patterns both good and bad were learned. We are programmable beings with a computer resting between our two ears. That computer picks up everything you saw your primary caregivers do, say, feel, act and how they were with you. If they were loving and affectionate parents, or neglectful and hard on you. Everything got stored in your computer and that is how you created your model of the world, how you feel about yourself and all parts of life. Once you are aware of this early dynamic you can begin to rewire your brain for what you want to create in your life now. Computer programs can be updated!
- Empowering Your Inner Child. We all have a little child within us. That is the child that was picking everything up from your parents when you were young and collecting the data. That inner child is the part of you that often doesn’t feel like she is good enough and acts out because of it, or feels sad when your husband ignores you, or feels insignificant when a new project doesn’t work out and so on. We have to become the parents to that inner child and show her love, attention and appreciation. We have to build her up so she can feel safe, secure and strong. It may sound kind of funny to re-parent your inner child, but it has been one of the most valuable steps in my healing journey.
- Learning to Love Yourself Radically. Another thing we learned from our parents is how to love ourselves. We watched how they treated themselves, others and how they treated us. If they were hard on us and themselves, then we learned that is how you treat yourself. If getting their love meant achieving, people pleasing, or abandoning ourselves to become whatever they needed us to be, then that is what we learned. And those are bad habits that we carry into adulthood. So we have to learn that our needs are valid and important, to change the script in our head from being hard on ourselves to loving thoughts and to take actions that are for our highest wellbeing.
- Emotional Empowerment. This is one of the most important steps in this process. Honoring your emotions and integrating them all into your being. Some of us, when we were young experienced some painful things and we learned quickly at a young age to shut down how we thought and felt about that. We locked it away in a part of us never to be looked at again. For example, a trauma/abuse of some sort, the death of a family member, or a divorce. The feeling you felt when that happened is the same feeling that you are most likely stuck in now and creates a feeling of unworthiness and insignificance. To truly get empowered you have to be willing to feel ALL the emotions and move forward from an integrated place. I recommend doing this work with a trained healer, as it can be very hard to stay in these tough emotions on your own without any training. To connect with one of my trained coaches go HERE
- Empowering the Physical and Energetic Body. Our bodies are the home of the spirit. We have to take good care of the physical body with good food and exercise. We take care of the energetic body by meditating, cleansing our energy with breath work, reiki, or validating our feelings with emotional empowerment work. The two ways we block our energy is through negative thinking and stored emotions. So having processes to address both of those as they come up helps to keep your energy clear!
- Setting Boundaries for Empowered Relationships. If people pleasing is a part of your life then you probably don’t have good, or any boundaries. Boundaries are like the fence around your house. You let people come through the fence if they behave in a certain way. If someone was destroying your property you would have to handle that and set certain perameters (like a restraining order!) in order for that person to not be able to destroy the property any more. Setting boundaries is also another deep layer of self love. You get to choose how people show up in your life and how they treat you and it is up to you to show people how they can and can not treat you. Having empowered relationships is the most rewarding experience, because one of our primary needs is for love and connection.
- Keys to Confidence. A lot of people think you are either confident, or you are not. That is just not true. There are specific things that confident people do and do not do. Understanding that, is essential in stepping into your power and owning your worth, which equals confidence! Confidence is a skill not a trait and you can build it by taking consistent actions towards a goal/intention even if they feel uncomfortable.
- Accessing Your Inner Power. We all have it within us. As said by the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz, “You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” So if it is within us, why does it seem so unaccessible sometimes? Because, as a child you learned that being in your power (meaning being yourself, asking for what you need, saying no and standing up for yourself) was unsafe. There are many reasons why we decide this at a young age, but it comes down to you learned to stop asking, stop being you and start playing and staying small so as to not draw attention and therefore have the negative behavior from your caregivers repeated. Accessing your power is completely possible when you start rewriting those old stories of your power being unsafe and being unsafe in expressing your power. Your power is always there just waiting for you to own it.
- Manifesting What You Desire. Once you have healed up the past, rewritten some old stories, feel comfortable and safe being who you are, begin owning your worth and stepping into your power what you desire to manifest in your life gets a heck of a lot easier. We can consciously want things and know we are deserving of them, but if deep down we have a belief that we are unworthy and not good enough, then it is much harder to attract what we want. Manifesting involves visualizing what you want, taking action steps toward that thing, believing it is possible for you, and keeping your mindset in check so you are a vibrational match towards what you want. All of this is on the conscious level and that is all needed. But it is what is below the conscious (the subconscious) that is going to play a big role in manifesting and is often the reason we are not getting what we want. Once we do the deep inner work to heal those wounds and shift our mindset we begin to manifest what we want.
- Expanding Beyond. Expanding Beyond means learning to direct your powerful energy in a way that serves you, those around you and the world. It means understanding all that we have talked about and using it to better your life. Here are some steps to expanding beyond the physical.
- There is an invisible energy field of infinite possibilities. Focus NOT on what you SEE, but on what you WANT to see.
- You impact that field and draw from it according to your beliefs and expectations. Every thought, judgment, feeling impacts this field that we have observed into form.
- You are a field of energy.
- Whatever you focus on expands. You create with your words, thoughts and actions.
- You are connected to everything and everyone else in the universe.
- The universe is limitless, abundant and accommodating.
Absolutely ANYTHING is possible!
These are the steps I have identified that have worked for myself in my own journey and for the thousands of clients I have worked with over the last ten years. These steps led me to create my 12 Week Empowered Women Program.
Over the 12 weeks we dive deep into each step for lasting change, together with the other ladies in the group, you will witness the growth that happens when you are willing to work through any resistance that comes up and do the work to truly heal the patterns that have kept you stuck.
It can take years to research and learn all of these topics and all the different healing practices, you can go down a lot of different rabbit holes. This is a proven system that works to create the shift and it comes all packaged up and ready for you to go through.
Each week you meet on a video call with me to get live coaching and energy healing to bring the lesson for the week even deeper. To learn more set up a 20 min free Discovery Call with me HERE
There truly is a process to healing the past, reclaiming your power, feeling worthy, building your confidence and creating a life that feels good and it is completely possible!